did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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