He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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