Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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