she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
