This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize