Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
