ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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