did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i would punch a child for taco bell
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
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