Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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