Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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