i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
