so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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