dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
