yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
