so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
