sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
