Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
