This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
