i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Mom said you looked used
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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