my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
