lets start a swedish sibling band together
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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