Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
