I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
