So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
