Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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