Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
