Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
