why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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