Having a random hookup so left but love u
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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