just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Randomize
