when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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