i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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