you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Mom said you looked used
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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