i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
