Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
