Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
