The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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