You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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