this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
