You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
My vagina is officially offended.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
