when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
