mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
