just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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