i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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