My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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