i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
