I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
