he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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