Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Randomize
