Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i wish my penis had a tongue
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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