butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
