you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
