I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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