I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Randomize
