those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize