I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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