OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
