Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
