i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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