i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
