it wasn't lemon gatorade
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
