I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
He passed out mid-signature
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Randomize
