This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
