Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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