Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
